February 27, 2011 - Sigh

Well, it’s Sunday, the last day of vacation and as usual I’m scrambling to get things done. I went to Splash last night and got home very late, but tried to get up early so I’ll be able to sleep tonight. I woke up around 9:30 with about 4 hour’s sleep, so I think I’ll be alright. Here are some thoughts from my brain this day:

Writing

One of my biggest regrets from the past week has been not writing enough. After scoring some big numbers in hits to my work from January to the middle of this month, I needed to get stuff out there to keep the roll going, but I didn’t. Up until Valentine’s Day, I had been getting between 1500 and 2500 hits per day, and now it’s dropped to somewhere between 300 and 500.

My plan for the day is to get at least a couple of things out there. I’ve just published a piece, the second in my series Keys to Life. This one’s called Aging Gracefully and even though I don’t really follow what I say in the piece, I hope that writing it will help me to focus more on it. Next I need to get a music piece out there. I have to write three prepaid music articles per month, and so far I’ve done only two. I’m contemplating doing a couple of articles on Diana Ross. Though the buzz around her is surely lessened since Friday’s appearance on Oprah, I know she’s got plenty of fans out there and I’m one who has a lot to say on the subject. We’ll see…

I’m also working on a book that I hope will do well and maybe even get published. It’s a collection of stuff my students have written over the years. I’ve done several pieces on YCN called “Out of the Mouths of Babes” and they are collections of various answers to journal questions I’ve posited to them as well as pieces from our yearly ESL magazine. There’s lots of good stuff there, and I’ll share more in the future, but if you want to get a taste of what it will be like, check out Out of the Mouths of Babes, Part 8.

Splash



I went to Splash last night and had another great time. It turns out that those three Asian dudes I spoke about several weeks ago are Saturday regulars and I’ve been actually having a lot of fun with them on the dance floor. I ended up meeting another guy last night by the name of Adam. He wasn’t as nice as the Colby-looking guy from the other night and my experience with him was much different.

I met Adam a little later on in the evening. The music upstairs had gotten a little too clubbish for me and so I went downstairs to see what was going on there. They were playing “I Gotta Feeling” by the Black Eyed Peas and of course hopped on the floor to get my groove on. Within a few minutes, Adam and his friend sidled up next to me and started dancing with me, which was okay because it happens all the time. He was cute enough, but he had dragon breath! Turnoff #1! Whew, I could smell that stuff from across the room, but me being the type of guy that I am stayed with him for at least an hour on the dance floor and I didn’t say a word.

Next came turnoff #2…I was wearing a t-shirt that read “NYC 1973” on the front, and at one point Adam chose to ask me if I was around in 1973. When I told him I was, he quickly replied with a “well I wasn’t.” He never asked my age, but he told me that he was 27. It’s funny because I think I looked better than he did!

During this time, as seems to happen during the late night hours at Splash, things seemed to get a little seedy. People have already been drinking a few hours and they’ve got one thing on their mind. There was another guy, who looked very young, maybe 21, dancing nearby. I had noticed him watching me earlier when I was dancing and suddenly he was dancing right near Adam and I. That’s when things got a little ugly. The kid saddled up in front of me and started dancing up close. I had my back towards Adam at that moment and the kid and I were face to face. He made no bones about being interested in me.

As we danced to Lady GaGa, the kid was getting up close and personal, eventually reaching out and grabbing my crotch. I just turned around to face Adam, but the kid was persistent. When he reached for the top button of my jeans, that was when Adam jumped in, pushing the kid’s hand away. Luckily he got the hint and we left the dance floor without further incident.

That was when turnoff #3 hit me. I asked Adam where he lived and he told me Connecticut. He had taken the train to the club from New Haven and was stuck in the city til 5AM. When I told him I was from Long Island, he thought I said Rhode Island and I think he was expecting maybe a ride home. I mean really, who the heck would go to Splash for the evening all the way from Rhode Island?

Anyway, that was when I decided to make my exit. He walked me over to the coat check and while we waited on line I asked him if he was on Facebook. He told me that he wasn’t, but he said he wanted me to text him. I took out my phone and he gave me his number, and afterwards I mindlessly put the phone back in my pocket. He got my unintentional hint when he expressed disappointment that I didn’t text him right then and there, but I couldn’t have anyway because there’s no reception in the basement of the club.

I smiled to myself when I realized this good fortune. I had no intention of keeping in touch with Adam anyway, and I haven’t texted him since last night, nor will I. It’s funny, but throughout the time I spent with Adam I couldn’t help but miss my Sunday. I know that yesterday I mentioned anger, and it is still there, but my feelings are always running the gamut these days.

Missing You

I miss him. I’m missing him a lot today. Meeting new people makes you realize that good ones are hard to find and he was one of the good ones. This whole thing is so frustrating to me, that there’s nothing I can do about having lost him. I wonder sometimes if he still thinks of me the way he did the last time we were separated. I like to think so, but then I think of where the anger part comes in.

I know in his mind he’s keeping away because he knows it’s for my own good. After all, he’s still getting over a loss with his ex and he’s done the same with him in order to help himself. (Hopeless for me anyway, right?) Besides, he doesn’t need to be bothered with troubles over me on top of that, either. I know that it was I who first said that I needed to stay away from him because I needed the space to get over him, but what can I say? He was good for me and I will forever regret losing him from my life.

I feel angry from the callousness with which he ended contact with me. I made mistakes that last week, but if he knows me like he should, he should have known that I meant no harm by any of it. I don’t have a mean bone in my body, especially concerning someone I care for. Yet he chose not to answer my last two messages, which stings like a needle that I can’t remove. It’s changed what I now think of him, which I don’t like.

I’m happy that I’m going back to work tomorrow, to be distracted by life once again. It’s been an up and down week, in a lot of different ways, and even though I have to wake up at the crack of dawn starting tomorrow, it’ll be good for me to have my mind occupied with work. I know I'll be alright eventually and that I will continue to have these moments. It makes me sad that they'll probably be less and less with time, but eventually I'll totally be "getting myself together."

Hopefully next week I’ll be going to the club with a new friend, a young lady who was a good friend of my good friend Jorge. Jorge has moved to his native country of Chile and he left me with a new Facebook buddy, Mildred. She’s come out with Jorge a few times, so I’ve met her and liked her. We’ve been planning to hang out and she loves to dance, so it’ll be nice for a change to not go to Splash alone.

Happy, Happy Birthday Jake

Tonight I’m going to my brother’s to celebrate the birthday of my nephew Jake. Tomorrow’s the actual day, but since it’s the weekend we’re celebrating tonight. So from me to you, little buddy, Happy Birthday!


That's Jake in the middle!

Pretty Please (Love Me)

Finally, here's a song link to another one by Estelle. It's a duet between her and Cee Lo from Gnarls Barkley and it's really an awesome song, lots of fun and very remniscent of Motown. It's really too bad it wasn't released as a single because I think it would have done well. And of course that's also why the link is only an audio... Please listen and enjoy! Thanks for reading!