March 6, 2011 - Lost

Good evening! Well, another weekend has come and gone and we’re once again on the verge of a long work week. Did I ever mention that I hate Sunday nights? For some reason, once the time hits around 4ish on Sunday afternoon it’s all downhill from there. Weekend’s over! Ah well, I always look forward to the same time on Monday, because getting over that first day of the week is a nice feeling, and so it all washes in the end!

Lost

Forgive me in advance if I babble. The weekend was a blur for me and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. This has been the longest break I’ve taken since starting this blog again in January and I didn’t want to go through another day without making a post. I just haven’t felt like sharing, or writing in general for that matter, and so other than my “Song of the Day”, I’ve abstained from posting.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I write here. I feel as if sometimes I’m just all over the place, maybe a little too broad, but it is a work in progress. I also feel that often I say more than I really should. I mean, what kind of person shares all of the crazy inner workings of their mind like I have here? It’s a struggle that I deal with constantly. Historically, whenever I’ve written about really personal stuff, I seem to do my best writing, but does anyone really care? Should I?

Normally when I write it helps me to think about things in ways that I wouldn’t ordinarily think about them. I’ve said before it is my therapy. The question is, should I be doing it in public like this? Lately, for whatever reason, I find myself with a dilemma as to whether or not I should put myself out there so much. A million questions run through my mind 24 hours, 7 days a week:

Am I foolish to put myself out there like I do?

Does anyone really give a crap about the things I have to say?
Should I care what people think? If it helps me, then who cares who reads it anyway.

Why do I have to do it publicly?

Is any of this going to help me as a writer?

But then I think…maybe now, or maybe later, there will be someone out there who will read my words and see that, crazy or not, they’re not always alone in the things that they experience or the things that they feel. I know from past experience that you never know who’s reading you and I’ve often been humbled by the things people have said in response to my words.

There are people who do read this blog. There’ve been far more hits to it than I would have ever guessed. Some are friends who find this the only way to keep up with my life, but even knowing that I can’t help but wonder if there’s something wrong with me that this is how I do it. Lately I’ve been keeping a lot to myself and I’m not sure if that’s good. I do know, though, that it’s hard to put myself out there. Sometimes I try and sometimes I don’t care to. I feel lost, helpless.

As life goes, thankfully, moods change and I occasionally find a few hours of sunshine amidst all of the clouds that hover over my so called life. I heard from an old acquaintance of mine this afternoon and the contact lifted my spirits for at least a few hours. As the night winds down though, so do I.

Again, forgive the babbling. This isn’t the normal me, but I didn’t want to go to sleep without putting something here. Even through all of the questions I’ve just posed here, I’ve still managed to bare a little more of myself. Is it okay, or is it not? I don’t know, but I promise to get back to whatever it is I normally do here soon. To prove it, here’s a video. It’s an upbeat song whose title says it all for me: Please Don’t Stop the Music! Enjoy!