Happy Freaking New Year! Today is as good a time as any to once again take a step back and reevaluate our lives...well, my life anyway. After what has been the shittiest and loneliest New Year's Eve of my life, the rock bottom of my 2017, there's no place for me to go but up, but not without some self-reflection and action.
I've been suffering from the flu since coming home from Philadelphia on Friday morning. Not that I've been to the doctor, but I've had the flu before and I know the feeling...congestion, chills, severe aches and pains, etc. Sans a phone call and a text or two, I've been completely alone for the past 72 hours and I'm feeling very alone.
I can't help but think that I'm the only reason for this. I know and believe from Dan Millman's The Life You Were Born to Lead that by nature I can be a loner, and so my solitary tendencies, especially lately, have indirectly pushed the people in my life away. Now in the state of mind that I am currently in, I could just say piss off and keep it that way, or I can try and do something about it. What I think I'm actually going to do is reevaluate my relationships and maybe do a little bit of both.
So, resolutions... Oh my God, there are so many things I need to resolve about my life. A couple of years ago, I actually made a list of the things that I hated about myself. Here are some of the ones that I still struggle with...
I smoke
I spend too much time alone
I feel stuck
I feel alone (haha, yep, that hasn't changed. It's maybe even gotten worse!)
I owe money
I procrastinate
I am taken for granted
I'm just plain weird!
Yup, these are just some of the things that I struggle with each and every day, and if I keep doing the way I've been doing, obviously, then these things are never going to change. So it's New Years...time to really evaluate how the heck I've been living my life. I need to define what happiness means to me, because that question is ever-elusive, and once I do, then I need to figure out how to get there..
Regardless, this is a mission, perhaps the greatest do-or-die mission of my life because I really can't take it any more. If I succeed at at least one or two of these issues, then it's for the good. If I fail, well...??? Stay tuned!
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