Normally, when I write posts like this one, I write them in the hopes that someone out there will find themselves in a similar situation to whatever it is I'm talking about and take solace in the fact that they're not alone. For once, that is not why I've taken to the keyboard. I write this out of frustration, I've gone completely stir crazy with and I am bored and lonely. I've fallen into a routine that I do not want to be in. A complete state of despair and frustration...and boredom...and envy, envy every time I look at Facebook (I've got to stop doing that!) and see all of the wonderful times people are having. Ugh! I guess what I need to do is just go backwards in time and work from there...
After that appointment with my chiropractor last Saturday, I was still hurting, but hopeful. I figured that as long as I was starting to do the right things, the pain would start to go away and I can go on living a normal (well, at least as normal as I get!) life. One week and still not yet, but it has been a roller coaster seven days full of ups and downs, and I guess the good thing was that the hope was and still is there and I do feel some, if little, improvement.
Tuesday was the worst day. After our session on Saturday, my chiropractor seemed worried that I really had no improvement over the three days since I'd seen him last. During my session, he found a source spot on my left buttock and worked it...hard! I was practically in tears on the table, and went home in complete despair only to follow what has now become a part of my daily routine: I slept. Lately, whatever time I get home from whatever afternoon jaunt I've been on, a doctor's appointment, running errands, or whatever, I zonk out on my couch into a deep sleep, and it doesn't really matter what time of the day it is. I've taken naps at 2:00, 4:30, 6:30, and even one night I fell asleep at 7. The naps are such deep ones, the kind where you dream realistic dreams, and you wake up groggy as hell. I go from there, doing the miniscule chores around the house that I must do, then either pop a pain pill or pour a glass of wine and veg out in front of the TV.
When I woke up from that nap on Tuesday, around 9 p.m., the despair I had been feeling beforehand had intensified. I spent a lot of time crying at my situation before finally easing my pain with a a percoset and more Netflix (Oh, I've been watching A LOT TV!). The next day I started to feel a little better, getting up to about 50 paces at a time before stopping from excruciating pain. I felt better enough that I decided to return to work on Thursday. School ends in a couple of days and I wanted to see the kids one last time.
Thursday was a wonderful day...
That single post set off a wave of texts, emails and private messages, as well as the 19-plus comments. I tell you, hearing from people when you feel in such a state definitely makes you feel better. Feeling so isolated all this time, it's good to know that people are rooting for you to get better. I need to remember that more often when others in my life are not doing so well.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have gone to school that day. A normal day at school is full of walking around...I can't avoid it, and by late Thursday night, the pain was really bad no matter what position I put myself in. Friday was more of the same and here I sit again alone on a beautiful Saturday night, in front of my pc, for all intents and purposes bitching to myself.
Ugh, I hate putting that 'on paper,' but really it feels good to say it out loud somehow, like writing in a diary. Someday I can look on this post and remember and feel good that this was something I'd gotten through.. Now I will probably end up watching Netflix or Hulu till the wee hours of the morning and then do it all again tomorrow. Ugh!
I am now going to physical therapy in addition to seeing my chiropractor, who is still concerned that I'm not healing quickly enough. He's thinking, and so am I, that there's more to my pain than we originally thought and the only way to see for sure is through an MRI, something I'd been dreading. The MRI will surely show if there are any real problems elsewhere other than my mis-aligned hip. Back to my catatonic state, lol.
So anyway, that's enough bitching for tonight. I had another opportunity to go to Fire Island tonight, but I had to decline because I simply cannot walk very far. I know that I will eventually feel better, and now that I am aware of such things as sitting and sleeping posture, I'm fairly certain I can do better to make sure this never happens again, but what worries me the most is how long it's going to take. I've been told by a couple of people who've had this that it took up to three months to heal. That's the whole summer! It's only been three weeks and I want to cry just thinking about it. With the school year I've had, the absolute worst ever, I need some R&R during July and August, but not this kind of R&R.
And so we continue...