Hello...It's Me, Distracted

Why hello everyone...long time, no write.  Forgive me Lord, it's been three months since my last post...  

I miss writing!  There have been so many distractions in my life lately that have gotten in the way of writing.  Besides, the inspiration just hasn't been there.  Hopefully, this'll get me going.  At this point in my story, I don't even know what I'm about to write, but here goes...

The Move

The last time I posted anything here, I was preparing to move out of the house after selling it.  Well, that was three months ago and I am all about the new place these days.  I really lucked out in the end...selling so quickly and finding a comparable (and hella cool!) spot to call home.  

I'm now living in the village of Patchogue, about a mile from my old house, which is probably the best place I could have found myself.  I always wanted to live a city life, and this is about as close as I can get to that out here on Long Island.  

For those of you not from these parts, the village of Patchogue is a former major shopping destination turned neglected, depressed area turned revitalized minitropolis about twenty years ago, give or take.  It is today the most popular spot on this sprawling 118 mile island, with trendy bars and restaurants, cool housing, fun events, and shopping, too.  I am just outside of the main district, and also about 1/4 mile from the water...both great for walking.

Alive After Five in Patchogue

I mentioned above the hella cool spot I'm living in.  Well yeah, the square footage is comparable to my old place and it's one of five apartments in a big, old, Victorian house.  Lots and lots of character, plenty of space and tons of windows to make it bright and airy.  Here's a photo of my living room that I just took:

Nice, right?  I could post more, but the only ones I already have are a little light on the furniture, and it's too dark to take any more now.  Maybe when I take some new, homey ones, I'll share.  So this has been one of my distractions, but it's brought me to a happier place.  

Him

Yeah, so there's a him in my life.  For a change.  For the first time in a very very long time, there is a him.  And almost six months now, too!  Who'd have thought?  Not me.  Anyway, out of respect for his privacy, I won't say much about him except that he is a beautiful person both inside and out and for him to even have gotten this far into my life, he's got to be a special one.  Again, distraction, but also, a happier place!    

Professoring

It still feels weird for me to say that I am a professor at a well-known university, but it's already been three years now that I've been doing it.  It's weird where life takes you, almost as if I've just naturally grown into the type of person who can do this, but let me tell you, even though my teaching life made me well-prepared for it, professoring is hard!  I must be decent at it because they keep asking me to do more and more at the university and I am very conflicted about it.  

Currently I am teaching a brand new class, which causes me about ten hours of work per week outside the three-hour class.  And I've been asked to teach three more for the remainder of the school year.  Ugh!  But how do you turn down the money?  Teaching college classes helps afford me the opportunity to enjoy the summer without work and I have to keep telling myself that, but this is probably the biggest distraction of all, and it doesn't make me a happier!  Double ugh!    

The United States of America

The one, overarching distraction lately is the amount of attention I give and its resulting dismay I feel about the state of our country.  Multiple times a day, I follow news feeds on Twitter, watch news bytes on YouTube, and read news articles, all feeding into what I feel is this dark, ominous cloud hanging over all of our heads.  It's quite maddening all of the crap I see out there, and it makes me afraid for our future.  I'm scared to see how this craziness ends, and I could write pages and pages on this, but I'm going to leave this right here...for now.  

Well okay, I think we've got a post.  Hopefully I'll be around again sooner rather than later.  Lots of stuff inside my head!  I just have to learn to work around those distractions...  As always, thanks for checking me out.

Anticipating the End

One week.  Seven days.  Twenty years.  It's really here, the day I've thought about for so long.  I've had barely a minute to think about it these past couple of weeks, but I know it's coming and though I am excited to get into a new place, I'm apprehensive of the sadness that's coming. 

That's a picture of my house when Joe and I first bought it.  I found this and a few others while I was packing yesterday and looking at them made me a little sentimental.  We bought the house together back in 1998 and I bought it out from him in 2008.  That's a lot of time spent inside these walls and it's going to be an adjustment to go live somewhere else. 

The house looks so different in this picture than it does today.  Both Joe and I together and then just myself put a lot of work into this place over the past twenty years and though it never quite got to perfection, I'm proud of what we...what I, did to the place..a new kitchen, a deck with a new sliding glass door where a window once existed, a new bathroom, and lots of other smaller things, too.

It's been a great couple of months for me since I decided to put the house on the market towards the end of the summer, and I'm trying to ride that wave for as long as I can.  The selling process went easier and faster than I thought it would, I ended up finding a great new place to inhabit, and to boot, I met someone pretty special, too!  He's the first meaningful person in my life in awhile now, and having him around, well, just makes me happy.

His and my lives have had some parallels to them in the two-plus months we've been dating, and that's one of the reasons I'm apprehensive of the end of my time here.  You see, just a couple of weeks ago, he moved out of his own place, the very first place that he had ever called his own, to go live with his best friend.  And just like me, he was lead to have to move earlier than he had planned, and as the days wore on towards his move, I watched and observed with a keen interest. 

The experience was tough for him as he quickly dismantled his home.  He texted me pictures of things he was packing, and the sentiments he was feeling were much the same as those I've been feeling as I go through my things now.  Memories.  Reminders of time spent in my home. 

When the day finally came for him to move, though I didn't see him, I could feel him.  My mind empathized as he spent the last night in his own place, feeling sentimental and sad, and then the displaced feelings he experienced when he first began to settle into his new digs.  Now as my time approaches, I feel that my own last moments here will be even more sentimental and sad.  I am not looking forward to that, but I know he'll be with me, be it in body or spirit, and that makes it all a little better. 

I may or may not reflect a little more in my remaining days here, that depends on the time I'll have.  We shall see.   In the meantime, my guy has settled into his new environment well, and luckily for me I've got a great place to take my mind off of the past and get excited about what's to come.  Stay tuned... 

Ten Years On

The anniversary crept up on me out of nowhere.  All I had to do was hear someone say 'October 7th' and suddenly I remembered.  It was ten years ago tonight that Joe and I ended our relationship of 20+ years.  That night was one I will remember vividly for the rest of my life.  It was one of those few times in my life where I took a major detour after a long five years of contemplating the signs that were laid before me.  Of course my life today is not where I envisioned it to be when I made the move to, well move on, but even so, it was the right move.

I was such a different person back in those days.  Though my self-confidence is not at its peak these days, it was abysmal back then.  I was much heavier, I spent my days off alone, and my nights were full of lonliness because Joe and I had stopped talking long before.  I was unhappy, and though it took me about four months to do so, I finally freed myself from that vice that had been gripping y insides for so long.

Ten years on I have no regrets.  Regardless of whether my life has turned out the way I had wanted it to, it is irrelevant to my decision back then.  Over the past ten years I've learned a lot more about who John is.  I've made plenty of friends I wouldn't otherwise have known, I've managed to keep a house on my own, and though we still stay in touch, I don't really think of Joe any longer with the same sentiment I once did in the years right after the breakup.  

So here I am, ten years single and counting.  Will I ever find another relationship?  I really don't know, but at this moment, the prospects seem bleak (which is a whole other story!).  I've learned to love the freedom that comes with being unattached to someone over these past ten years, so I'm not sure how eager I really am to jump into something.  Joe knew what he wanted and within just a couple of years he was already with someone, who he's still with today.  Sometimes when I have conversations with him, I am reminded of what it was like to be interwoven with another person, doing 'couple' things, and I have no envy whatsoever for that life.

That being said, I would like to have someone in my life.  In what capacity I am not sure at this point, but the loneliness isn't fun.  I do know the next person has to be pretty darned special to fill that spot with me, and I am willing to wait until the right one comes, if he ever comes.  Aside from one person I dated these past ten years, I've found myself on guard all the time, looking for signs of possible negativity to come, and usually I've ended it before anything really got cooking.  Maybe that's a bad thing, I don't know, but I believe when the right person comes along I'll just know.  Hey, I love being single, but I really hope that by the next time another ten years rolls around, I won't be alone still.  Fingers crossed!  

What am I doing here?

What do you do here?

That was a question I've been asking myself for ages. Inside my head I was understanding him completely, yet all I could muster was how nice it is that Long Island has the beaches and Fire Island and well, you know. I wasn't even convincing myself.

The guy was a late twenty-something from New Zealand, working as an architect in the city, and I'd been chatting with him on the dock at Cherry Grove waiting for the ferry to take me home on Saturday night. It was his first time on the island ever.  He'd gone with some work friends of his that had abandoned him there. 

The half-hour or so that we chatted on the dock and then during the ferry ride afterwards was the lone bright spot on a night that I would have been better off staying home. I'd had the best night of the summer there the Saturday prior and I guess a re-creation of the same was a long shot to begin with.

The dude, Collin I believe, was a Long Island novice. He knew nothing of it except that you had to travel two hours through it just to get to Fire Island, which he didn't seem to care for very much anyway. Forget about knowing where or even what Patchogue, the place where I live, is. 

He asked the same question more than once, and each time he asked it only brought me to the same place I've been in my mind for the past eight-plus years.  

Long Island is a beautiful place. It's got its own multitude of sub-cultures and beautiful spots.  But it's a big, spread out place, a place where you go to settle down in your own little nook or cranny and hang with the people around you, raise your family, take care of your house and...I'm not really sure what else. It's definitely not a very exciting place to be single, especially gay and single.

I've been thinking a lot these past few months. Those of you who read me already know that. For the longest time I've been yearning to be where life is, where I could just leave my house and not be alone, or even where I am alone and am given opportunities to not be.  Get it? I dunno, a lot of people around me don't seem to. 

So I am finally beginning to formulate a plan in my mind. When I visited Philadelphia a couple of weeks ago I fell in love. Philly is like a smaller, more open-spaced New York with a lot of life and a thriving gay community. A year from right now I'd like to be preparing for that change I've been talking about, a move there. 

Of course, Philadelphia doesn't compare equally to New York, my city, the Center of the World, but I'm figuring it's the next best thing. Hopefully the job opportunities are ample, as well as the housing, and it's certainly more doable than NY.

Of course there is one thing that can keep me here and that would be if I found someone to make me not want to leave, which seems unlikely.  Even the few I've met this summer, and it has been an active one, haven't panned out into anything meaningful, even the dude from the ferry ride the other night. 

During his and my conversation, I was trying to help him find a way to get back to the city. He'd thought he'd just take a taxi, which would've cost him about $300.  I checked the train schedule...nothing.  I offered him my couch and a ride to the train station in the morning and he seemed grateful.

The conversation throughout was really easy and nice, and In the back of my mind I thought, hmmm, who knows?  On the upper deck of the ferry, he leaned over and kissed me before snuggling up next to me, and suddenly the night seemed like it was going to be a different kind of special than the previous week. Then his phone rang. 

It was one of his friends who had abandoned him. It turns out they waited for him on the other side.  He smiled as he told me, understandably relieved, and I was relieved for him. The ferry soon pulled into the station and we got up to get off.

I walked in front of him through the crowd as we disembarked and then I let him pass me once he saw his friend. That was when he turned into an asshole. Where I expected him to turn and introduce me, maybe exchange numbers, he kept walking with his friend, ignoring me completely.  To him I was no longer there.

I actually had to walk past them at one point on my way to my car.  He was in animated conversation with his pal, still without any notion that I was ever there. I walked past, head down, no words. It wasn't worth it!  All I could muster under my breath as I walked past was the word dick!

Though the guy turned out to be a complete, mean jackass, it was still an opportunity.  That doesn't happen too often here, and when it does, it's usually in the summer on Fire Island. 

I need to have more opportunities like that, chances to meet people, and hopefully more that have better results. It's not going to happen in my yard or at the mall or supermarket, but even a trip to the coffee shop in the city will offer me more opportunities. 

I don't have much hope that anything's going to happen for me in the coming year here, but you never know. If not, hello Philadelphia!

An Unniversary Reflection

Though the mourning has long past and I've long forgotten even what it was like to be one half of a couple, I can't help but take pause and reflect for a bit every October 7th.  Today is mine and Joe's eight year unniversary.  That is, eight years ago tonight I began the new life that I am still living now.

Back then I never would have envisioned how my life would turn out at this point.  I thought for sure that I'd have been in another long-term relationship by now, but I am not.  Nor are there any prospects on my horizon.  Though I know I'm getting up there in age, I know that I'm still a catch, but I worry for how much longer.

I don't spend too much time worrying about it, though.  I'm not outwardly looking for anyone in particular, but I know I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life.  Right now I would just love for someone to share weekends and good times with, yet still have time for my life.  I just happen to be stuck in an unfortunate world of promiscuity and shallowness and my age only makes it more difficult to find someone...anyone, normal.  

   

In the meantime I've got friends, family, students, colleagues, plenty of love all around me...and I cherish my relationships with all of them.  As any of my blog or Instagram followers or Facebook friends can attest, I'm never at a shortage of fun things to do.  Is that enough though?  

From my experiences in life, I've always felt that once you reach a certain age, yeah, your friends become more of your life because you've already spent years and years with your companion and you need other outlets to keep you busy,  But I've done everything in my life bass ackwards and so have I already had my companion time?  Am I doomed to be devoid of a true, loving companionship for the rest of my days?  Or is there still someone out there in my future?  I just don't know.

For now, all I can do is keep on doing what I'm doing, making the most of whatever opportunities come my way and enjoy whatever life has to offer.  I'm going to continue to hang out with my buds, enjoy the time I have to spend with my students, colleagues and family, and keep one eye open at all times...

There, you see?  I didn't even talk about Joe.  Lol. 

      

Dodging a Bullet Thanks to Experience

I think I finally found a cure for my writer's block...

I want to preface this post by saying that this is the one area of my life where being my age is actually a good thing.  Through all of the experiences I've had in my life to this point, I have become smarter. Experience is the best teacher, and at my age, the experiences I've had have lead me to a better understanding of how things work and how people work, and thank God for that!  Every day, week, month and year I learn more and more and sometimes that knowledge it helps me to avoid a bad situation...

I just got home from the first time seeing someone after 'ending it.'  Boy he was pissed at me!  I guess I should have expected it, but as I approached the establishment where he works, and where we first met, I expected things to be cordial between us.  I even tried to think of questions I would ask him regarding things I knew he'd been up to, hoping to break the ice and stay friendly.  He wasn't having that, though.  He was as cold as could be, and yeah, I felt a little hurt by that, but oh well, that's his problem.  

Yup, I dodged a bullet this week and my experience is the only thing that saved me from it.  You see, a few weeks ago I met this dude at an establishment I frequent and at first I had hopes that he would be my next big thing.  He was sweet, good looking and pretty darned charming, too, and I loved it that we met the way we did.  I thought it might be a sign of good things to come.  Unfortunately, it wasn't meant to be.

When he first started working there, he was very friendly and he always found little chit chat to make with me.  I never thought anything of it, at least for the first couple of weeks, but one day after I left he contacted me through a dating app and all new thoughts began to pop in my head.  He was a PLU and he was interested in me.  Every visit to the store after that the flirting picked up into high gear until last Sunday he asked me if I had time to talk.  An hour and a half later, I was on Cloud 9. Happy thoughts filled my head as I made my way home and I looked forward to the next time we'd chat. The possibility of a relationship had been totally unexpected to that point, but I thought this guy was special.  Before we parted, I gave him my number, and that, my friends, was the beginning of the end.

The texts began almost immediately, which was normal and welcome at the beginning.  Of course when you've had a spark you're still eager to keep the conversation going, but very quickly I began to get a little uneasy.  The first text that made me feel this way was when he told me that he had told his family about me and showed them my photo.  After one conversation?  Eh!

Next came the first of a few 'miss you's,' about 24 hours after our Sunday night conversation.  The first one was okay, but the several that followed were, well, a little unusual for such a short time.  The subjects of many of his subsequent texts became all too familiar, like guys I've dated in the past.  In all, 129 text messages from him came over the 48 hours from Sunday to Tuesday night, making me feel like I was dating someone.  Again, after just one 'date."  Um...stop!

Talking with my friends at bowling Tuesday night confirmed what I had been thinking.  If I took it any further with this guy, who knows where it would end up.  I've had my fair share of obsessive types in my life and there was no way I was going there again.  I know now at this point in my life that that would be a complete waste of my time.  I needed to put an end to it and so I stopped answering his texts sometime Tuesday evening.  Thankfully, he seemed to understand because I haven't heard from him since, that is until our lil encounter this evening.

Twenty years ago I probably would have continued on communicating with this guy, eventually giving in to the physical and then...I shudder to think what would have happened.  Jealousy, mistrust, arguments, feelings of being trapped.  Like I said, my experiences thankfully saved me from what surely would have become an unpleasant situation further on down the line.  When I look back at all of my relationships I realize now that signs were always there, for every one of them, that it would eventually not work out.  I can;t afford to make those types of mistakes anymore.  Ain't nobody got time for that!

At least the situation taught me that there still could be someone out there for me.  That hope that had been dwindling over the past several years has been revived again.  A week ago I was experiencing the euphoria of a possible relationship that came out of nowhere, and though I am happy that I avoided a bad situation, I know now that he could still be out there, and he can turn up at anytime, any place.  I've just got to keep my eyes open...

It's only love, give it away
(It's only love)
You'll probably get it back again
(It's only love)
It's simple, it's a silly thing
Throw it away like a boomerang
I wish we all could lighten up
It's only love, not a time bomb

Song of the Day - Sky Fits Heaven - Madonna

Now that I'm done blubbering about my seven-year unniversary, I want to share a song from a happy time with Joe.  This song came to life on a veranda on the Amalfi Coast in Italy, somewhere in the year 2000.  It lies at the very core of this blog and my life's beliefs...  

Traveling down this road

Watching the signs as I go

I think I'll follow the sun

Isn't everyone just

Traveling down their own road

Watching the signs as they go

I think I'll follow my heart

It's a very good place to start

Seven Years

Tomorrow will be an unusual anniversary of sorts for me, and like always, I'm in a reflective mood. You see, seven years ago tomorrow, October 7th, my partner of twenty years and I, Joe, parted ways for good.  The event marked an ending to more than five years of regretful unhappiness, and when it happened a myriad of feelings washed over me all at once.  There was sadness and regret, a little bit of fright, but most of all I felt a sense of great relief, like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

That was a long time ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday.  I had actually tried to break up with him...well not really break up...several months prior to that.  On our 20th anniversary in June of that year, I had written him a letter explaining all that I had been feeling, how the silence in our home and in our relationship had become deafening.  I think deep down inside I was hoping it would spark some conversation between us, but at the time I was too afraid to give it to him.

There was a moment, two months earlier, when I knew our days were numbered.  It was during my April break from school and I had asked Joe if he wanted to take a trip down to Atlantic City with me for a couple of days.  Somehow being away from home always seemed to light our spark, and I was hoping for some of that, but in a manner that had become common between us, he never really answered me.  I simply continued on, not knowing whether the trip would ever happen.  I booked the room anyway.

The night before the trip came quickly, and the time had come to pack.  Joe and I had been watching television together in silence when I decided to get a move on.  I walked over to the couch where he was laying and asked him if he was coming with me.  Nothing.  Not a sound nor even a glance in my direction.  I retired upstairs to pack for myself, my eyes welling up already.

It was that long trip in the car, alone, that sparked in me a sense that I had to take action...eventually. I remember being in tears virtually the entire three-hour trip and then some.  I was miserable in those moments, save for a little song I had discovered called Sing, which I remember playing over and over in an attempt to make me forget.  That letter came out of me not even two months after...

On October 7th, 2007, Joe confessed to me that he'd found my letter, four months after I had written it.

Do you still feel that way? he asked.

Yes.

Okay, so how do we do this?    

"How do we do this?"  Though that question immediately flicked that albatross I'd been carrying with me off of my shoulders, the next days, weeks, months, and even years brought me to a reality which took me a long time to get over.  Joe wasn't happy either.  Though not optimistically, I had hoped the letter was going to spark a long overdue dialogue between us.  That wasn't going to happen.  He wanted the end to come as much, if not more, than I did.

So that was it.  The end of one of the most meaningful 20 years of my life and the beginning of a new era.  Seven years on I can look back knowing that this was inevitable and all I can do today is appreciate the time we did have together.  My life is completely different these days, better in some ways and not so much in others, but I have in turn discovered the real me, not one half of a couple. And that's awesome!

Though I reflect on that time now as it happened then, I harbor no ill towards Joe or that dark period of mine and his lives.  He and I are totally good nowadays, and I'm thinking though he and I now have more of the lives we really wanted for ourselves, he looks upon our time in much the same way as I do.  So for what it's worth, happy unniversary sweetie!  

Happy Revisited

More than two years ago I wrote a poem during the A-Z Blogger's Challenge called H is for Happy. It was one of those days where I was pondering my own happiness and I came to a conclusion that I need to remind myself of every now and again...

  Happiness is a temporary thing

But it’s there

In one form or another

Just like sadness, and anger

And I found there’s an easy secret to being happy

Just savor those times when you live them

Enjoy whatever moments you get

Make em last as long as you can

Cause all of those blissful moments together

Make happy

I mentioned in this morning's Song of the Day post that I received a surprise phone call from my past yesterday.  The surprise of the call was a pleasant one that gave me a somewhat satisfying feeling of ...redemption, for lack of a better word.  You see, this person and I once shared a short-lived, but meaningful time together, and after a lot of inner struggles, I'd finally relegated him to the past, never expecting to hear from him again, 

The fact that he reached out to me yesterday validated, to me, my own self worth. The end of our time way back then was painful, and the rejection I felt afterwards left me uneasy inside and afraid to pursue other relationships out of the fear of more rejection.  So I persevered, moved on, living my life the way that I had been, and always trying to get back on the horse again after each and every fall. 

During the phone call there was a lot of catching up to do, and I felt like I just wanted to tell him everything that he's missed over the last few years in the short time we had to talk.  I told him about Chile and my students, Dylan and Diego, and so many other things in a sort of disjointed, one topic to another in rapid-fire succession way.  

Throughout our conversation, he kept mentioning how happy I seemed, and that was mostly because he'd been reading my blog.  I know that John's World is peppered with many of the fun things I do, and I don't often share my worries and problems like I once did.  That's not to say that I don't have my problems.  Everyone does.  I just never want it to seem like I feel sorry for myself, though admittedly I do sometimes.  

So I left the conversation in a good mood.  To hear from him was a nice surprise and it reminded me that yes, even though things didn't work out between us, I am still a special person in his eyes.  He hasn't forgotten me.  I was also reminded that I do have a good life, despite its many difficulties. Sure, I'm sad that I haven't found someone to share my life with, though I know that this is not any sort of validation for anyone's life, including mine.  My world is full of love, from my family to my friends, in all the good times and bad.  If I were to leave this world tomorrow, I know I can look back and say I lived my life to its fullest and I enjoyed my ride.  I am happy!  Now isn't that what life should be?

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time

Know there was something that, and something that I left behind

When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets

Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here...

I lived, I loved

I was here...

I did, I've done, everything that I wanted

And it was more than I thought it would be

I will leave my mark so everyone will know

I was here...

I want to say I lived each day, until I died

I know that I had something in, somebody's life

The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave

That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here...

Source:http://www.directlyrics.com/beyonce-i-was-here-lyrics.html

Song of the Day - Be Mine - Robyn

I received a surprise phone call yesterday from straight out of my past. It was from someone who I never thought I'd hear from again, and it turned out to be a really nice conversation and not as uncomfortable as I might've thought such a phone call would be.  Anyway, back in the day he and I shared a great fondness for Robyn.  In fact, that was the time in my life when I really was first discovering this very talented singer and songwriter, so needless to say I found myself listening to my Robyn playlist a couple of times yesterday.  

Here's one I discovered just recently.  It's another well-written tune, much in the same vein as her other breakup songs like With Every Heartbeat, Get Myself Together, and Time Machine.  She opened her Pier 97 show in August with it and it's one of my newest Robyn favorites.  Check out Be Mine...  

Livin' Life, Right?

I had a great weekend.  This is the very first summer, since I've been a teacher that I am not working, for the most part, and I am living life...or so it seems.  After that great road trip a couple of weeks ago, I have kept on being busy, hanging out with friends and having fun, but after a day like today I have this sense about me that there is something missing.  And I know what it is, but first, the weekend...

Hoptron Brewtique

Like I said I had an awesome weekend, starting with Friday night.  Some of my teacher friends were planning a get together at a place called Hoptron Brewtique in Patchogue, where I live.  Patchogue is a hopping place these days, with restaurants and clubs galore, and this was one I hadn't been to.

Very cool place!  It seems that beer connoisseurism has taken center stage after wineries had become so popular and places like the brewtique have been popping up all over the place.  The tavern is a modern day beer garden, complete with large picnic tables, nice snacks, and with a rotating stock of 20 or so beers that you can try in 'flights' of four.  The staff was very friendly and the place comes highly recommended by me, even if you're not a beer connoisseur!

  

Cherrys' White Party and Sea Tea

Saturday and Sunday was all about dancing as I headed out to Cherrys for their annual White Party on Saturday and the Sea Tea in the city last night.  Both nights featured great tunes and lots and lots of dancing...my favorite thing in the world!  I'd mentioned the White Party in my Song of the Day post yesterday, and as always it was so much fun.  Midway through the night I started dancing with this Latina chick, who's name escapes me, and the two of us burned up the floor all night long.

The Sea Tea was also a lot of fun.  Now I've learned over the years that you've got to hit the party boat on the right night, meaning with the right deejay and a good theme.  The music on the boat is what makes it a good night or not, because let's face it, if the music sucks, there's nowhere to go.  The theme of the evening can make or break the night, too, and going into last night's cruise we had no idea what HEBRO was.  I still don't actually, but I do know it's got something to do with gays of the Jewish persuasion.  I'll just leave you with that!

The deejay for the night was Steven Sidewalk.  Now I know Steven's style because he used to deejay at Splash on Thursday nights, my favorite night of the week to go there.  I convinced my friends that this would be the week to go, and we all went, me, Dita, Blanche, and our friends Tim and Steve.  I wasn't wrong.  The music, for the most part, was great, and we sweated out a lot of numbers on the crowded dance floor.

The only thing negative I'd say about the Sea Tea was that it got really expensive.  They've got a new boat for this season, a nice one, and it seems that they're passing that loan money on to the customers really quick. The price of the cruise not only jumped to $30 ($35 the day of the cruise), but so did the teeny, tiny drinks, which cost a whopping $13 apiece, up from $8 or $9 the last time I went in 2012.  Now that's a huge increase in this guy's opinion.

Livin' Life, Right?  Eh!

So now I return to where I started this post.  I know that the summer I've been having seems like all fun and well, fun, to a lot of people, and I do believe in making the most of whatever time you've got in this life. Unfortunately I know too many people who just go through the motions and don't seem to enjoy their lives as much, and I think that's sad.  That being said, after the Monday I had I can tell you that what's all fun and games is still missing something, and that's somebody.

This October, it will be 7 years that I am single.  In November I turn the big...I HATE to say it, but the big 5-0.  I never envisioned myself alone at this point in my life, and things are not looking good for me.  As always, I am all over the place with this one because I do love the single life that I've made for myself these past few years.  I've made many connections and I'm still looking as good, if not better than I ever did.  On the other hand, living alone absolutely sucks!  After all of these years, I finally understand what my dear old Aunt Vi was going through the last 30 or so years of her life.  There was a point towards the end when she would call everybody aimlessly, including me, just out of pure loneliness.  She needed voices and she needed to voice hers to somebody, anybody.

I do want somebody to take away some of my loneliness, but I don't have much optimism.  Being my age and gay does not bode well for me in that department.  It doesn't help either that I've become hopelessly picky.  After being in a relationship for 20 years, I can see now the trouble that was going to happen from early on and the next person, if there is one, I want to last.  I also tend to like guys younger than me...doubly difficult...and that's not to say there aren't guys my age I wouldn't want to be with, but the ones I'm attracted to don't want me.  Sigh!

So is there any hope for me?  I'm not even looking for a move-in partner, at least for now.  I just want a steady person to spend nice evenings or lazy days with...cuddling included!  I don't know, but every time I venture into the city, I can't help but think I'd have more of a chance there.  I mean, I live in suburbia for dog's sake!  There aren't too many options in Suffolk County, Long Island...but, my job is on the East End and my house is my financial partner, so I feel stuck.  Oh Lord!  Suggestions?

  

 

Song of the Day - By Your Side - Sade

Today is June 4th, a date that will be etched in my memory until my last breath.  You see, on June 4th, 1987, I met a guy named Joe and we ended up spending the next 20-plus years of our lives together.  I remember that day like it was yesterday.  As with any other loving partnership that'd last for that long, Joe and I had been through a lot together, good times and bad, happy times and sad.  We took vacations together to Italy and Aruba, Bermuda and Florida. We bought our first house together.  We laughed and cried together.  We spent countless times just enjoying time with family, with friends, and with one another.  And this was our song.

It may sound like maybe I still pine for Joe, which couldn't be further from the truth.  No, we've been apart a long time now and those feelings no longer live within either of us.  But luckily, we're still fortunate enough to have each other in our lives and my time with him will always have a special place in my memory.  So it is with this ballad I give acknowledgement to a significant time in my life and look back with a smile.

By Your Side is one of the most beautiful songs I think ever recorded.  It speaks of the ultimate devotion that comes with love, and it coincides perfectly for me with this date that was once so special and now brings me to a happy place in one of the distant corners of my mind.  Click play and think of someone with whom you might share or have shared these sentiments with...and smile!  Happy Hump Day, too!