Sunday, October 5, 2014

Happy Revisited

More than two years ago I wrote a poem during the A-Z Blogger's Challenge called H is for Happy. It was one of those days where I was pondering my own happiness and I came to a conclusion that I need to remind myself of every now and again...

  Happiness is a temporary thing
But it’s there
In one form or another
Just like sadness, and anger
And I found there’s an easy secret to being happy

Just savor those times when you live them
Enjoy whatever moments you get
Make em last as long as you can
Cause all of those blissful moments together
Make happy

I mentioned in this morning's Song of the Day post that I received a surprise phone call from my past yesterday.  The surprise of the call was a pleasant one that gave me a somewhat satisfying feeling of ...redemption, for lack of a better word.  You see, this person and I once shared a short-lived, but meaningful time together, and after a lot of inner struggles, I'd finally relegated him to the past, never expecting to hear from him again, 

The fact that he reached out to me yesterday validated, to me, my own self worth. The end of our time way back then was painful, and the rejection I felt afterwards left me uneasy inside and afraid to pursue other relationships out of the fear of more rejection.  So I persevered, moved on, living my life the way that I had been, and always trying to get back on the horse again after each and every fall. 

During the phone call there was a lot of catching up to do, and I felt like I just wanted to tell him everything that he's missed over the last few years in the short time we had to talk.  I told him about Chile and my students, Dylan and Diego, and so many other things in a sort of disjointed, one topic to another in rapid-fire succession way.  

Throughout our conversation, he kept mentioning how happy I seemed, and that was mostly because he'd been reading my blog.  I know that John's World is peppered with many of the fun things I do, and I don't often share my worries and problems like I once did.  That's not to say that I don't have my problems.  Everyone does.  I just never want it to seem like I feel sorry for myself, though admittedly I do sometimes.  

So I left the conversation in a good mood.  To hear from him was a nice surprise and it reminded me that yes, even though things didn't work out between us, I am still a special person in his eyes.  He hasn't forgotten me.  I was also reminded that I do have a good life, despite its many difficulties. Sure, I'm sad that I haven't found someone to share my life with, though I know that this is not any sort of validation for anyone's life, including mine.  My world is full of love, from my family to my friends, in all the good times and bad.  If I were to leave this world tomorrow, I know I can look back and say I lived my life to its fullest and I enjoyed my ride.  I am happy!  Now isn't that what life should be?

I wanna leave my footprints on the sands of time
Know there was something that, and something that I left behind
When I leave this world, I'll leave no regrets
Leave something to remember, so they won't forget

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

I want to say I lived each day, until I died
I know that I had something in, somebody's life
The hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leave
That I made a difference, and this world will see

I was here...

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