Sunday, January 3, 2016

My Own Little Rabbit Hole

My drinking is killing me
My smoking is killing me

My diet is killing me

My heels are killing me

My shopping's killing me
My ego is killing me
Can't sleep, it's killing me
My label's killing me

My friend Rich is always reminding me that I haven't been writing lately.  Well, he's right, and for good reason...actually two good reasons.  First of all, ever since school started I haven't had much time for writing on here, and second, I haven't been inspired to write.  That's a sad thing, I know. Anyway, today is the first...scratch that...second and third day, of the new year, 2016, and I usually get to writing some sort of reflection/looking ahead piece around this time, so here goes...

My phone is killing me
My email is killing me
These hours are killing me
My tour is killing me
This flight is killing me
My manager's killing me
My mother's killing me
My landlord's killing me
My boss is killing me
The TV is killing me
Your nagging is killing me
My boyfriend's killing me
My talking's killing me
Killing me
Killing me

I lost my iPod on New Year's Eve.  I think that was the straw that just pushed me over the edge.  One minute it was there, the next it was gone.  Ugh, the new year has already started off just like the old one left off and I think I am just about ready to check, nah, I'm not really gonna do that, but I'll honestly say that I don't think I've ever been as low as I am right now, and it's not the iPod (though that IS a killer!).  I feel so lost these days, and I no longer seem to have a handle on what I'm searching for anymore.

Can't sleep, it's killing me
My dreams are killing me
TV is killing me
My talking's killing me
Let go, you're killing me
Ease up, you're killing me
Calm down, you're killing me
My god, you're killing me

By now you might be wondering by now what the heck is with these strange lyrics and the Robyn video.  Well, it's kinda how I'm doing right now.  I think there are some of us who get a little self-destructive every once in awhile, especially when there's something not right in the head and that'd be me right about now.  When I feel like this, I tend to jump into my own little rabbit hole, cut myself off from the world and feel sorry for myself. Well I know that's not productive, and heck, by even writing this at least I'm trying to do something...

Well anyway, it's taken me three days to get to this point in my post and now it's Sunday night, the end of Christmas vacation.  Sigh!  At least I climbed out of my rabbit hole for a bit today, and maybe the order of life will set me off in a good place tomorrow.  We shall see!  To be continued...


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