A Day In (This) Life

Ugh, I've been coming back to this post like six or seven times now in the past two weeks.  At a time in my life when I finally have time to write and to share, I've got nothing
...well maybe that's not true...    

Did that make you smile?  Cringe?  Gasp in horror?  Roll your eyes?  Well, if this picture caused you to do any of these things, then at least you've taken one moment out of IT.  You're welcome!

I took that picture (and a few choice others) a little more than a week ago, as part of a homework assignment I'd given to my students.  We were told to get them away from their computers that week (spring break was cancelled in favor of continued distance learning.), so I gave them a little fun project.  They had to take one picture a day of how they were experiencing the quarantine and post on it Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, whatever, with a caption for each day of the week.  Pretty cool assignment, right?  

This Sucks!

I think I speak for most people around the world when I say that this moment we're living in right now absolutely sucks!  In all of my years of life on this Earth, and pretty much all of you can say the same thing, I have never experienced such a shitty time to be living.  I could deal with it better if only we knew when it was going to end.  

Different Shades of Day

I don't know about you, but my days are almost always a roller coaster of emotions.  I start everyday with a cup of coffee in hand and I'm at the laptop doing my Song of the Day posts, checking email and working.  At that moment, the day is fresh and I'm generally optimistic, especially when the weather's nice.  Well, the optimistic feeling is probably because I'm really just occupied with my work and not thinking too much..

Before you know it, morning soon creeps into early afternoon and suddenly the reality of the situation hits me...again.  What am I going to do today?  What can I do?  What should I do?  I'm still in my pajamas.  Should I take a shower?  Make a phone call?  Work out?  My motivation wanes until it's finally I decide it's time for lunch.  

Lunch is done.  What to do next?  Should I clean out a closet?  Work on that book I've always wanted to write?  Catch up on some new shows on TV?  Go for a walk?  Clean a closet?  My mood slowly sours as the day wears on and I've spent more time contemplating than anything else.  The reality of this daily sameness creeps over me.  Before I know it, maybe I've showered and graded a paper or two, but as day turns to early evening, I simply feel like a zombie, merely existing and not living.

Occasionally, I'll have a distance walk date with a friend or an afternoon phone call which'll brighten up my day a bit, or sometimes I'll have a mission, like going to the supermarket or out east on some sort of errand for work.  Those days I've got a little more bounce in my step, but underneath it all, there is still despair.  

I think my mood swings are not too different from most people.  Living alone has definitely affected me in a bad way.  On one hand, and I hate to say this, I like being isolated, left to my own devices to do whatever the hell I want to do.  On the other hand, though, I feel very alone and very glum, though I have little motivation to reach out and call someone.  

I am sure that being stuck with other people must have it's downfalls, too, and I can't imagine it.  I've heard marital issues have been rampant, and moms and dads dealing with their kids 24/7 must be driving them crazy.  I'd rather be in the situation I am in.  It sucks either way!

Give Us This Day Our Daily Walk

The only thing keeping me sane these days is walking...oh, and taking pictures.  I like to walk anyway, and these days I have more time to walk longer.  Walking is very therapeutic, especially on a nice day.  It's also good exercise.  I've been averaging between four and six miles a day.  Who knows, maybe I'll finally lose a little weight once this is all said and done.  Besides, I've been photo journalling my own experiences through this period, and I am actually loving the results.  If you're a friend of mine on Facebook, take a look at my Scenes From a Quarantine album.  It's pretty cool, I think.  Here are a couple of samples:

A distance picnic with my pal Tara

Stormy sea

Teaching my students how to make a face mask

Empty streets

Positivity

Above all of the despair, I am trying to create the positive, like writing once again.  I am contemplating moving my blog over to WordPress so maybe I can start earning a couple of bucks.  I'm also working on a book, which I will share with you at a later time.  Oh, and I'm learning how to speak Italian, too, with Duo Lingo.  That's coming along nicely.  Finally, I'm saving a lot of money, too.  There's not much to spend money on these days...I've only filled my gas tank once in the past month, and so I should be in good shape for the summer, that is if there is a summer.

A couple of months back already, our school trip to Europe was cancelled because of the coronavirus.  I remember that day clearly.  It was surreal that we had to take that route for something that then seemed so distant then.  Now it hovers over us for who knows how long and there's noting but uncertainty and fear ahead.  I'm desperately trying to hold on to hopes that I will still be able to take a trip I've been planning to the west coast in July.  The prospect doesn't seem likely, but we've still got two months.  We shall see.

So another day closes and I will be up until all hours mindlessly watching T.V.  Tomorrow another day comes.  Another roller coaster to ride.  Let's just hope these roller coasters will be like the real ones and give us a shorter ride.    

So if you're reading this, I hope you're taking solace that you are not alone.  We're all experiencing this in our own ways, and dealing with the ups and downs of every single day.  We have to be patient, for one day this will all be a distant memory.  

Life Is Right Now

I’ve got this plaque hanging up in my bedroom. It’s just one of those cheap, wooden ones with a saying, like you can find in pretty much any novelty store. I bought it because, to me, it’s one of those reminders that we need to look at every once in awhile so we don’t forget. Life is right now. Not yesterday, not last week, or last year, or tomorrow even. It’s right now. And right now, just a day after saying goodbye to my sister Christine, I and the rest of my family, can finally begin what I’m sure will be the very long process of healing.

I can’t speak for my mom or my siblings, nor the dozens of people who knew my sister and will have their own bit of healing to do. I can only speak for myself and my right now. Of course, for me the sadness is raw. I haven’t said this publicly until this moment, but I was the person who found my sister after she’d gone missing for a day. I’ve been reliving those moments in my head almost all day, everyday, since Monday night. I already realize that I’ll never be able to wash away the memories of the week, but I recognize that I’m probably going to need to seek some professional assistance to work through it, something I never thought I would have to do.

Of all the things that made me cry this week, it was the countless personal messages I’ve been receiving from friends and family, and even strangers who my sister touched in some way. Crying is therapeutic, and no matter how a person may feel about offering such words of condolence, I think it’s important to know that it doesn’t matter what was said or how it was said. Just the fact that someone found the strength to reach out means the world to the person who is grieving. To that, I offer my sincerest appreciation to everyone who reached out to us. Please know that however small you might think your gesture was, it meant the world to us.

Chrissy’s wake was surreal, as you can imagine. Being a part of her immediate family, I felt like a ping pong ball all day, with people waiting sometimes five deep, to offer their condolences.To all of you who came, especially on my behalf, and with whom I could only spare just a moment or two, I want you to know that through all the blur of yesterday, I remember that you came, and that you came not only out of respect for my sister, but out of love for me. My love for each and every one of you is returned tenfold.

I wish I could bottle up all if the humanity we experienced this week and keep it for all time. As happens, though, I know that life will continue and in some way that humanity will dissipate, sadly. We’ll maintain our political opinions and our personal issues with those in our lives, and that’s too bad. That’s really the tragedy of life. Well, not for me anymore. I know that life is too precious, too short, to be angry or to hold grudges. Right now, I have nothing but love for my family, for my friends, and for the compassionate side of my fellow human beings.

They say it often brings tragedy to bring people together, and I experienced that first-hand this week. In the days and weeks to come, I’m going to build on this, hold onto all that love, and carry it with me wherever I go. It is my hope that some who read my words will take them and run with them too. Reach out to those with whom you may be estranged and truly miss deep inside, give someone a hug, treat people with kindness. My heart is full right now, not only with sadness, but with love for you all. From the bottom of my heart, thank you!

Baby Sister

If you looked at my sister's Facebook page, it would be easy to see the type of person she was, the things that were near and dear to her heart, her humor, her sentimental spirit, and most of all, her ever-present glimmer of hope.  I've been perusing her Facebook page on and off ever since she passed on Monday night and I can't help but feel that I wished I'd looked at it more before then.  Though I felt like I already knew her before, and I did, the things she posted there, oftentimes simple little memes or GIF's about animals, the good old days, family, and lots more completed the three-dimensional image that was her essence.

I don't know if anyone can prepare themselves for the loss of a child, or in my particular case, a sibling  No matter how often or how little you interact with one another, there is a bond that exists with an immediate family member because you've been a constant in one another's lives since the beginning.  I am the eldest of six siblings, and Chrissy was the baby.  I remember the night she was born, mom and dad off in the hospital and the rest of us sleepless at home with nana and grandpa babysitting, waiting for the news of whether the new baby would be a boy or a girl. Having only one brother and three sisters, I was praying for the former.  Nonetheless, when nana woke us up in the morning to tell us we had a new sister, how could any of us not still be excited?

Chrissy's first day of school

Back in those days, my family struggled financially, and not long after Christine was born, mom had to go back to work at McCrory's in the mall a few nights a week.  I, as the oldest at 13, was relegated to chief babysitter.  I changed Chrissy's diapers, prepared her bottles and fed her, and I played with her, put her to sleep, and kept her occupied all the while keeping the other foot soldiers in line until daddy came home.  This lasted a couple of years until dear Aunt Vi came to mine, and Chrissy's rescue.

Though Aunt Vi loved us all, everyone always knew that Chrissy was the apple of her eye.  Whereas Aunt Vi saved me from my job as chief, cook, and bottle washer, Chrissy saved her from the despair of being newly widowed.  My sister gave her purpose, and a companion, and the two of them spent the next few years doing homework together, playing cards, and Aunt Vi spending all of her money buying Mister Softee for all of her friends on hot summer nights.  It was one of the happiest times in my aunt's life.  The two of them were the infamous frick and frack for those formative years of my sister's life, and her passing a little over ten years ago left a hole in Chrissy's heart for the rest of her days.  One of the only comforts of this week for us is knowing that the two of them are probably playing gin rummy once again.

Dave, Chrissy and I

Sadly in the years since Christine was little she and I were never really too close again, as I went off into my adulthood and she remained a still home-bound youngster now becoming one of 'the girls.'  Though my sisters were never always bosom buddies, they did share a bond that remained throughout the years, and Chrissy, the baby, was always an integral character in that mix. 

Snapchat silliness with Gina

Throughout her adult life, my sister Christine would become a beautiful young woman, with a smile that could light up a room and small circle of really good friends who to this day would have done anything for her.  Unfortunately, not all of her friends were a positive influence.  My sister was also a very trusting person, and despite all of her attributes, she had a low self-image and a trusting nature that gave in to most anyone who paid her any attention.

For the past twenty-plus years, Chrissy's life somewhat resembled that of a pinball machine.  She moved around from place to place, spending time in both Kentucky and Florida, dodging her troubles whenever she could.  We all had our own periods of frustration with her and would sometimes lose contact, but her devotion to her family would never let that last too long.  Despite all of her troubles, we all still loved her.  Every last one of us!

Whenever Christine would be away, she always harbored a longing to return to New York, her home, and her family.  I remember most recently, when she was in Florida, that she spoke of returning for months before she actually did, and once she came back, my mom had no choice but to give her some tough love, having her try and make it on her own and alleviate her problems once and for all before she could come back into the house.  I think that we would all agree that in the last few months, she did her best.

Despite all of her own misgivings about herself, Christine was always an optimist, as anyone could plainly see from her Facebook postings.  This past holiday season was especially hopeful, as she worked hard at mending both herself and her relationships with others.  She and I had been communicating often lately, and had been making plans to do things together.  The day after Christmas, she sent me these texts:

I had a great time at your house. Thank you for being so welcoming.  I'm trying to be a better person and I appreciate my family's effort.  I feel truly blessed this holiday season.  

I told her to keep doing what she was doing and sent her a virtual hug.

Thanks John.  You always make me feel hopeful.  I love being around you.  I want to make myself proud and secondly my family.  That's why I'm doing therapy.  I'm done doing negative and I want to be surrounded with positive people.  I love you and I'm sorry I neglected you and the rest of the family.  I'm trying to make it up to everyone.  

We had a couple of more conversations like that in the days after, and during the last one we had, a week ago today, we made plans to go to breakfast on Saturday so she could meet Vinny.  She said she was looking forward to that.  So was I.  Four days later, she was gone.

I can't tell you how much it hurt to have lost her.  I don't think that in my 55 years of life on this Earth that I've ever felt this sad.  I am proud of my sister for being the person she was, for her optimism, for her humor, for her loving spirit.  I'm not going to say goodbye to her because she will live on in my heart for the rest of my days.  I will always remember her smile, her voice, and most of all her unconditional love for me and mom, David, Linda, Ann Marie, Rhiana, and Gina.  And who knows, maybe she'll use her newfound powers to help the Yankees win the World Series this year!  Rest in peace baby sister!

         

     

Turning a Corner I Don't Want To Turn

About ta month ago, I went to Hershey Park with some of my friends, and as we waited on line to buy tickets, I noted the price posted on a sign above the ticket counter.  Adult admission: $41.75.  I pulled out two twenties and a five and waited for my turn.  When I got to the window, the girl at the counter said "$32 even."  I was surprised and even stepped back to look again at the sign, thinking perhaps there was a sale I didn't know about.  Befuddled, I handed her the two twenties and she gave me my $8 in change.

"Tara, how much did you pay for your ticket?"

"Oh, like 42 bucks or something."

"Dita, what about you?"

"The same."

"Gary?"

"Yup."

"Oh my God, look at your ticket," Tara interjected.

Panicked, I looked down at the ticket in my hand and right there, in the middle, was the word "senior."  My worst nightmare had come to the surface.  Fuck, I've turned that corner!

A few years back, my friend Rich showed me a recent picture of a co-worker of his whom I've hung out with many times before.  I'd always admired this woman, who had immigrated here from Poland many years ago and made a sweet life for herself here in the States.  Not only was she a genuine and fun person, I'd always admired how she carried herself, always dressed to the nines and looking fabulous. 

Well, the picture Rich showed me of her was not good.  She looked old.  When I made a face, Rich shot me a knowing glance.  She had turned that corner and finally looked her age.  Though it shocked and saddened me a little, I was still a few years younger than her, so I didn't worry about it too much...until now.

I've been feeling it a lot more in recent months.  Of course working with kids, who are brutally honest, if not too naive, gets you a lot of harsh criticism.  Though I know they're joking when they call me viejito or pelon, it only works to make me more self-conscious.  Why do people always need to remind you of your faults?  Especially the physical ones that you have no control over? 

Yup, aging doesn't show mercy on anyone, and it's finally gotten me.  With a receding hairline and wrinkles I never had before, I am starting to look, gulp, like a senior.  The funny thing is, I don't feel it at all.  In my head and in my body (well, most of the time!), I feel like I'm 30.  It's not fair!!!

I should have prefaced this post by saying that today is my 55th birthday, so I am feeling it a bit more today.  I really stopped looking forward to birthdays a long time ago, but this year is really the shit.  The only thing good about today is all of the love I have been receiving pretty much since I woke up this morning.

I'm not going to give up, though.  I'm gonna keep taking my vitamins and using minoxidil and face cream and working out because I've still got it.  Somewhere inside I've still got it! 

We Are, An Introduction and A First Selected Work: This Is Why They Come - A Terrible Loss

This is why they come...

Every year, my class publishes what we call our ENL Magazine, a collection of writings by my students, all recent immigrants to the United States  At first, the goal of our little publication was to teach people in our community something about today's immigrant experience, but with all the fervor out there about immigrants these days, I feel that it's important for people to learn some things they do not know.  

I've been working with immigrant students for 16 years now, and in that time I've learned a lot of things I never knew before, things which inspire me to be their advocate as best I can.  Before I begin to share their words with you, I'd like to share some of the things I've learned over the years...

- Like elsewhere in the U.S., the population of immigrant students, especially from Central America, has grown and continues to grow every year.

- The young people I work with are just that...young people...kids.  If they had had their way, they'd still be home in their countries, with their families and their friends.  The great majority of them did not choose to come here, but most know why they did.

- I have had students from many countries, representing five continents and more than twenty countries.  I have both documented and undocumented students, and every single one of them is a human being who deserves as good a life as anyone.

- My students have experienced things that you and I will never experience.  The only gun I've ever seen has been in the holster of a police officer.  I've never seen or heard a gun used, and I've never seen one used on a relative.  Many of my students have.  I've never been threatened with my life by scary people hanging around outside of my school, or have had my family extorted for money for 'protection,' nor have I experienced threats to my mother or father or younger siblings.  I never walked for days on end in the hot desert sun without food or water, or been made to ride in vehicles with literally dozens and dozens of strangers in a cramped little space, or holed up in a strange house, hiding in darkness, terrified, waiting for a signal that it's time to move on.  I've never seen dismembered body parts or been threatened with a machete or made to swim across alligator-infested waters in the darkness of night.  I've never experienced these things, much less as a child.

- How desperate does a parent have to be to set their children off on a journey such as this?  Pretty damned desperate!  I once was told by a student that his little brother of 12 years had just left El Salvador on his way here.  For six weeks, his mother had no way of knowing where he was or if he was safe all that time.  All she had was God.  

I think you get the idea, but that's just me talking.  Now I'd like you too hear from some of my students.  I've published excerpts from this magazine in the past, and now that we have a new edition, I'd like to share some more.  

This world, this country has a great shortage of empathy, and especially on the part of many who claim to follow Jesus, probably one of the most loving and caring people who ever walked this Earth.  It makes me sad.  Even so, I still feel in my heart that there are people I know who will turn their backs to these stories.  Ignorance truly is bliss!

I can tell you firsthand that it's really hard to get these kids to share their stories.  I tried my best to convince them that they have an opportunity to help somehow, and believe me, there is plenty more to tell far and above what I will share here, but even I may never hear it.  In the meantime, here's the first piece I'd like to share, a piece entitled A Terrible Loss.  It is a story that was borne out of one sentence this anonymous student had written in another piece and I thought it worthy of attention, so we created a separate essay.  This story is true.  I've listened to him speak it and I have seen photographs.  Please read on and stay tuned for more from We Are... (warning, some may find the following content disturbing)

A Terrible Loss

Something sad happened just one week after I came to this country.  My best friend, Cristian, who lived with his mother in the same town as me in Guatemala, was killed by gangsters.  She was murdered, too, by the same killers I escaped from just a couple of months earlier. It hurts that I could not to go to the wake and say goodbye to him.

You see, when the gangsters approached him to ask him for money for protection, he decided to not comply.  He tried to fight back.  He lost.  He tried to use his fists to fight off the gangsters, but they had guns.  My poor friend was shot in the chest, and then they shot his mother, too.  Both of them died.   

The news was a blow to me because we were like brothers.  We were friends ever since we met five years before in school.  It was also especially hard because it decimated practically everybody in his family, and left his sister without parents and without a brother.  My friend’s father had died when Cristian was very young.  To this day I don’t know whatever happened to his sister.    

Anonymous

Hello...It's Me, Distracted

Why hello everyone...long time, no write.  Forgive me Lord, it's been three months since my last post...  

I miss writing!  There have been so many distractions in my life lately that have gotten in the way of writing.  Besides, the inspiration just hasn't been there.  Hopefully, this'll get me going.  At this point in my story, I don't even know what I'm about to write, but here goes...

The Move

The last time I posted anything here, I was preparing to move out of the house after selling it.  Well, that was three months ago and I am all about the new place these days.  I really lucked out in the end...selling so quickly and finding a comparable (and hella cool!) spot to call home.  

I'm now living in the village of Patchogue, about a mile from my old house, which is probably the best place I could have found myself.  I always wanted to live a city life, and this is about as close as I can get to that out here on Long Island.  

For those of you not from these parts, the village of Patchogue is a former major shopping destination turned neglected, depressed area turned revitalized minitropolis about twenty years ago, give or take.  It is today the most popular spot on this sprawling 118 mile island, with trendy bars and restaurants, cool housing, fun events, and shopping, too.  I am just outside of the main district, and also about 1/4 mile from the water...both great for walking.

Alive After Five in Patchogue

I mentioned above the hella cool spot I'm living in.  Well yeah, the square footage is comparable to my old place and it's one of five apartments in a big, old, Victorian house.  Lots and lots of character, plenty of space and tons of windows to make it bright and airy.  Here's a photo of my living room that I just took:

Nice, right?  I could post more, but the only ones I already have are a little light on the furniture, and it's too dark to take any more now.  Maybe when I take some new, homey ones, I'll share.  So this has been one of my distractions, but it's brought me to a happier place.  

Him

Yeah, so there's a him in my life.  For a change.  For the first time in a very very long time, there is a him.  And almost six months now, too!  Who'd have thought?  Not me.  Anyway, out of respect for his privacy, I won't say much about him except that he is a beautiful person both inside and out and for him to even have gotten this far into my life, he's got to be a special one.  Again, distraction, but also, a happier place!    

Professoring

It still feels weird for me to say that I am a professor at a well-known university, but it's already been three years now that I've been doing it.  It's weird where life takes you, almost as if I've just naturally grown into the type of person who can do this, but let me tell you, even though my teaching life made me well-prepared for it, professoring is hard!  I must be decent at it because they keep asking me to do more and more at the university and I am very conflicted about it.  

Currently I am teaching a brand new class, which causes me about ten hours of work per week outside the three-hour class.  And I've been asked to teach three more for the remainder of the school year.  Ugh!  But how do you turn down the money?  Teaching college classes helps afford me the opportunity to enjoy the summer without work and I have to keep telling myself that, but this is probably the biggest distraction of all, and it doesn't make me a happier!  Double ugh!    

The United States of America

The one, overarching distraction lately is the amount of attention I give and its resulting dismay I feel about the state of our country.  Multiple times a day, I follow news feeds on Twitter, watch news bytes on YouTube, and read news articles, all feeding into what I feel is this dark, ominous cloud hanging over all of our heads.  It's quite maddening all of the crap I see out there, and it makes me afraid for our future.  I'm scared to see how this craziness ends, and I could write pages and pages on this, but I'm going to leave this right here...for now.  

Well okay, I think we've got a post.  Hopefully I'll be around again sooner rather than later.  Lots of stuff inside my head!  I just have to learn to work around those distractions...  As always, thanks for checking me out.

Anticipating the End

One week.  Seven days.  Twenty years.  It's really here, the day I've thought about for so long.  I've had barely a minute to think about it these past couple of weeks, but I know it's coming and though I am excited to get into a new place, I'm apprehensive of the sadness that's coming. 

That's a picture of my house when Joe and I first bought it.  I found this and a few others while I was packing yesterday and looking at them made me a little sentimental.  We bought the house together back in 1998 and I bought it out from him in 2008.  That's a lot of time spent inside these walls and it's going to be an adjustment to go live somewhere else. 

The house looks so different in this picture than it does today.  Both Joe and I together and then just myself put a lot of work into this place over the past twenty years and though it never quite got to perfection, I'm proud of what we...what I, did to the place..a new kitchen, a deck with a new sliding glass door where a window once existed, a new bathroom, and lots of other smaller things, too.

It's been a great couple of months for me since I decided to put the house on the market towards the end of the summer, and I'm trying to ride that wave for as long as I can.  The selling process went easier and faster than I thought it would, I ended up finding a great new place to inhabit, and to boot, I met someone pretty special, too!  He's the first meaningful person in my life in awhile now, and having him around, well, just makes me happy.

His and my lives have had some parallels to them in the two-plus months we've been dating, and that's one of the reasons I'm apprehensive of the end of my time here.  You see, just a couple of weeks ago, he moved out of his own place, the very first place that he had ever called his own, to go live with his best friend.  And just like me, he was lead to have to move earlier than he had planned, and as the days wore on towards his move, I watched and observed with a keen interest. 

The experience was tough for him as he quickly dismantled his home.  He texted me pictures of things he was packing, and the sentiments he was feeling were much the same as those I've been feeling as I go through my things now.  Memories.  Reminders of time spent in my home. 

When the day finally came for him to move, though I didn't see him, I could feel him.  My mind empathized as he spent the last night in his own place, feeling sentimental and sad, and then the displaced feelings he experienced when he first began to settle into his new digs.  Now as my time approaches, I feel that my own last moments here will be even more sentimental and sad.  I am not looking forward to that, but I know he'll be with me, be it in body or spirit, and that makes it all a little better. 

I may or may not reflect a little more in my remaining days here, that depends on the time I'll have.  We shall see.   In the meantime, my guy has settled into his new environment well, and luckily for me I've got a great place to take my mind off of the past and get excited about what's to come.  Stay tuned... 

Welcome to Switzerland: Hello Amy, Davide, and Lausanne

After my little three-day stint in Amsterdam, I was to spend the rest of my vacation with my friend Amy and her husband David, who live in Lausanne, Switzerland.  Our plan was to hang out in Lausanne for about six days and then head on to Paris for the end of my trip. In the end it was like two separate trips for me, the one alone in Amsterdam, and this one, and though both were wonderful in their own ways, the second part with Davide and Amy were extra special because of them.

Welcome to Switzerland!

After only an hour's flight from Amsterdam, I was in Geneva, Switzerland.  Davide and Amy live in Lausanne, about 45 minutes awayy by train, and so I hit the rails and in no time Amy and I were bear-hugging at the Lausanne train station.  After a quick stop at a local cafe (I needed it!), we went back up to their place where I finally, after almost ten years, met Davide.  All I can say at this point is that he was as warm and welcoming as Amy, and as the next week or so wore on, he and I became fast friends in our own right.

From the very start, Amy was like, whatever you want to do, let's do, but as she and I always do, and with Davide in the mix, we had wine and cheese and meats and talked through till the wee hours of the morning...a perfect relaxing start!

Lausanne

Now I'd been to Switzerland a couple of times before, but on both of those trips I was in Luzern and Zurich and both times it was in April.  Those two cities are in the German speaking part of the country, more to the east.  Amy and Davide live in Lausanne, which is in the French speaking region and more to the west.  The city is located on the shores of Lake Geneva (which they call lac Leman), across from Evian, France.  It is also home to the International Olympic Committee.  I'd never been to Lausanne before this trip, and so my first full day was spent checking it out...

Amy and Davide live in the vicinity of the lake, and the major portions of Lausanne are located up the hill from there, so bright and early Saturday morning, she and I headed to the city's one subway line to get to the city center.   Maybe because it was a Saturday and maybe it was because it was the height of summer vacation season, but the city reminded me a lot of the city of my father's birth, Trieste, Italy, with the appearance of a mid-sized city, but with few people.  We meandered through the quiet streets, checking out the sites as well as the produce offered up on Saturday farmer's market day.

And of course, there was shopping!  Amy brought me to this very cool, Century 21-like department store where she helped me do some damage, but I am gonna look oh so good this year, lol.

Let's Get French

All in all, the day was a fun one, and again, just spending time with my buddy was what made it so.  Later on in the evening, the three of us had been invited to the home of a gay couple (who's names escape me at the moment), one of whom was cousin to Amy's friend Sylvie.  Neither of them spoke English, and so most of the evening was spent with the four of them speaking French and David and Amy stopping every once in awhile to keep me abreast of the conversation.  It was really a lovely evening, with good food and wine, and pleasant company, though admittedly for the first time in my life I wished I'd known French.

I do speak Spanish fluently and a little bit of Italian, but I French always confused me.  The rules of pronunciation in Spanish and Italian are pretty steadfast, but French is a whole other story,  Luckily, Amy had learned the language quite well in her nine years in Switzerland, and that day she slowly began teaching me both how to say words and what they meant.  That night I was also introduced to a little bit of French Swiss culture, which turned out to be a funny little sidebar to the rest of the trip.

Before heading out to the dinner, both Amy and Davide showed me that when you first take a drink of your wine and do a sort of cheers, you have to look the other person in the eye and say the word "Sante," which I took as "shantay," a la Rupaul.  Well, that was something I couldn't seem to get quite right during the rest of the trip and made for some pretty funny moments.  

So that was my first full day in Lausanne, definitely one to remember and the rest of my time spent there was equally as delicious!  Stay tuned...

In the meantime, check out my other posts on Europe 2018 below:

I❤️amsterdam, Part II:Canals, Red Lights and Coffee Shops

I❤️amsterdam, Part I: The City & Architecture 

I Was On a Paris Train

Staring at Another Blank Page, And it Looks Promising

Even though I've been back at work for two days already, it all really starts tomorrow.  That's when the kids come back to school, and now I'm finally getting excited.  I had the roughest end to a school year in my fifteen years of teaching back in June, and I left it behind thinking something would have to change.  I had a great summer, but when I got back yesterday, it felt like I was in the same bad place I'd left two short months ago. 

I came into a new classroom, the remnants of the tornado that was my last week still evident all over the place, and in between all of the beginning of year meetings, I've somehow managed to make it presentable for the students.  Coming back to school this year has not been what I envisioned it to be so far, and I'm hoping that once I'm with my kids, it will all come together, and this time it'll be better than ever!  Big change is happening in my life, good change, and I want to bring that feeling of optimism into my classroom, as well.  The blank page of this year is full of possibilities...

I usually post Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten on John's Music World for the beginning of the school year, and I still may.  It's one of my all-time favorite songs and to me it contains some pretty perfect words of wisdom for life:

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

I've spoken about these lyrics many times and this time I let them speak for themselves.  For me they take on a new meaning at the start of this particular new school year.  I am being cautiously optimistic, but I've been telling my friends lately that I feel I am at the beginning stages of a long-awaited Renaissance in my life.  Though plans I had been making had all fallen to the wayside over the summer, new doors are opening up for me.  My professional life is clicking on all cylinders, and even my love life is showing some signs of well, life, and I feel like everything is starting to fall into place.  

These sentiments are partially evident in my last two posts, It's Happening and You Get What You Give, and now that summertime is over and I'm back to the grind, it's time to carry these feelings into the new school year and beyond.  I want to make this the best year ever for both myself and my students, and to reach for and get what I've been looking for so long...a better place!  And it all begins tomorrow.

Good luck to all of you teachers out there in this new school year.  Here's hoping the blank pages of yours are filled with nothing but happiness and success.  You deserve it!  

You Get What You Give: A Note of Thanks and Some Advice

I am one lucky person.  Well maybe not that lucky.  I am at a point in my life where a lot of things are starting to click.  Big changes are about to happen and for the first time in my life that I can remember, I feel really good about where life is headed.  If you read my last post, you'll know that after twenty years in my house, I have decided to sell.  It's one of the biggest decisions I've ever made and as the days have passed since that post, I'm actually starting to get excited...but that's not what I wanted to talk about...

When I posted It's Happening the other night, it was late.  I pretty much hit the 'publish' button and called it a night.  Well, I woke up the next morning to almost 500 page views, 80 likes and 50-plus comments on Facebook, as well as several texts and messages, all entirely supportive of my decision.  I was literally overwhelmed with emotion from it all.  I even heard from people I hardly connect with much anymore, and it just got me to thinking of how lucky, yet not so lucky I am.

I'm lucky because I have a support system of incredible people around me...friends, family, colleagues, and even simple acquaintances.  I don't always remember that until something like this comes along and boom, even the simplest of gestures gives me a feeling like no other.  I am humbled and feel very blessed. 

Once the house had been put up just yesterday and I posted the pictures my friend and realtor Ricardo had taken, the love and support flooded me all over again.  Lol, I don't know if it's the gay or the Italian in me, but I shed tears several times from all the compassion.  I just want to say here and now thank you to each and every person who reached out to me over the past several days.  Having every single one of you in my life is a blessing that I cherish!

That being said, I am a firm believer that this isn't all luck, and thus this teacher's advice to any of you reading.  You always get back what you give, and I like to think that the love and support that I give to anyone in my life is what I am feeling back right now.  I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I think I'm someone who's heart is always in the right place and, well I think I'm a fun person to be around, too, so...

So please take heed this little whatever you might call it.  If you're genuine and kind you're going to find that that it will come back to you tenfold.  I am proof of that.  If you don't behave this way, well, karma can be a bitch.  There's not nearly enough kindness in the world, so if you want to feel the love like I have these past few days, then you've got to give it!   

 

It's Happening!

I just spent the past five hours packing.  Not packing for a trip, but really for the unknown.  You see, I've been making these tentative plans in my head for about the last two years and I really still don't know what the heck I'm doing, but I do know it looks like I am selling my house. 

I've been avoiding this decision for a long time now, but with summer winding down and a new school year ahead, it is time to dive in and just do it.  To be honest, I am scared and sad all at the same time.  I'm scared because I have no idea what to expect, no idea where I'll be going, and I dread whatever headaches will be coming my way in the process...

But most of all, I am really sad.  As I take pictures off the walls, put my belongings in boxes and organize them into a staging area for moving in my basement, it all seems so real.  This is really happening and it's hard to believe.  Just a couple of weeks ago, I hit the twenty year mark of living in this house, the longest I've ever lived in one place.

Back in 1998, my ex Joe and I bought this place together after having rented for about seven years.  I remember at first, I didn't like it.  I preferred another house a few miles from here, but Joe, who was an interior designer by trade, saw the character and potential in this place, and convinced me.  And I've loved living here from the day we first moved in. 

He and I spent both a wonderful and tumultuous ten years together here, and when our relationship ended, I really thought the house would be sold in the aftermath.  Little did I know, I made an emotional decision to buy the house from him and in the ten years since, I've created a new life for myself and have had wonderful times here. This is what I know.

The house is perfect for one person.  It's small enough to take care of and it's big enough for entertaining friends.  But it has become too much for me to take care of, both physically and financially and I know that I have to do this.  The real estate guy is coming Friday and I would imagine after that there'll be no turning back.  Sigh!  Stay tuned....

I❤️amsterdam, Part II: Canals, Red Lights and Coffee Shops

This post is not meant to be a review of the city of Amsterdam, but an overview of the things I saw and did while I was there.  Hopefully the photos I've included will entice you to visit this marvelous little metropolis.

Amsterdam is such a lively, compact and beautiful European city.   Amongst the quaint and uniquely Dutch edifices that make up the city itself, you experience the whizzing of thousands of bicyclers peddling their way to one place or another, trams carrying the masses to and from work, and of course, the canals.  At any given moment, while walking around, you may come upon one of a myriad of these picturesque waterways for which the city is partly famous.

    

Canals

Here are some photos I snapped of some pretty beautiful canals, both big and small:

Red Lights and Coffee Houses

Amsterdam is also known for being a very liberal city, perhaps one of the most liberal in the world.  Between the infamous red light district to the legalized cannabis, people who enjoy participating in the more risque things in life flock to the city to partake in the world's oldest profession and the world's most popular drug.  Wherever you find a coffee house, you will find the almighty weed, and whether or not a visitor chooses to partake in either of these things, you can't help but notice...

So, for what it's worth, I enjoyed every moment of my three days in Amsterdam.  To learn more about the city, check out iamsterdam for everything from soup to nuts, and in the meantime, stay tuned for the rest of the story of Europe 2018.

Also check out I❤️amsterdam, Part I: The City & Architecture & I Was On a Paris Train

I❤️amsterdam, Part I: The City & Architecture

Amsterdam is one of my favorite cities in Europe, and when I had the opportunity to spend the first three days of my vacation anywhere, I chose to come here.  I'd been to Amsterdam before, twice on school trips, but never on my own, and I was excited at the prospect of seeing the beautiful city in more of its entirety.  I wasn't disappointed.

There are so many things about Amsterdam that I love, the architecture, the scenery, the people, the openness and the quaintness of it all, and of course the canals.  Here are some photos and comments on this wonderful Dutch city that you should surely visit at least once in your lifetime.  Check it out...

Amsterdam is a small enough city to navigate (though admittedly I did get lost on more than one occasion, lol.)  The one thing to remember is that Amsterdam Centraal, the main train station in the city, is pretty much central to everything.  Whenever I did get lost, all I had to do was look for signs that pointed to the beautiful edifice at the center of it all and I could easily find where I wanted to go.

Architecture

The city of Amsterdam and The Netherlands in general is famous for its architecture, and there are plenty of beautiful edifices throughout the city.  The Dutch style is very uniquely geometric, and very pleasing to the eye.  Here are some examples:

This style of architecture is not the only style found in this beautiful city.  There are plenty of other beautiful buildings and sites all around town that give you the feel of being in a European city.  Check out these pictures:

Rembrandt Square

Well I'm realizing that Amsterdam is too special a city to cover in just one post, so I'm going to leave it here for now.  Stay tuned for many more beautiful photos and commentary on this wonderful place...

See also I Was on a Paris Train