Monday, September 30, 2013

Thinking Out Loud

Another Monday night, another week ahead!  I don't know, maybe it's because I don't feel good, but I'm not feeling so great, mentally, these past few days either.  I've had a bad head cold and aches and pains since Saturday and I'm feeling more tired than I think I've ever felt before.  The mental part comes from the fact that I know I'm feeling run down because of school, which leaves me a bit exasperated.  I think it's time to start thinking ...and writing...again!

When I first started writing regularly for this blog, I was a mess.  Like before, only worse, I wore my heart on my sleeve for all to see and begat a following for John's World.  My popularity on the Yahoo Contributor Network came out of my personal pieces on my breakup with Joe, but my writing had never been so personal as it was almost three years ago.

That period of darkness in my life is something I'd like to forget.  Some of those pieces I wrote back then are still among my all-time page view leaders, but I've been somewhat gun shy about writing ever since.  I'm afraid of showing too much for all to see.  Still, with my latest stint at school and the working world in general, I know that if I ever want to do something else with my life I can't just sit back and wait for it to happen.

I'm not saying that I'm going through any kind of crisis, by any means, or that I'm going to start shining a light on my whole personal life through and through again, but I need to make a conscious effort to start writing again.  And that means making the time for it, which will be no easy task.

I am starting to think...there's so much to think about...

I have to start to focus more!

I'm doing too many things.  Between working full time, running the school's GSA, tutoring twice a week and teaching an evening class twice a week, I've got little time for much else other than chores around the house and sleep.  To top it off, my social life has really been busy lately, too, with weekends and some evenings filled with friends, and now family, too!  I love being social, but am I hurting myself by staying too social?

My job is the hardest it's ever been.  Maybe it's time for a change.  Is writing my next big thing?  Am I good enough?  If so, what do I write about?  Should I cut things down online and narrow my focus (there goes that word again!)? Should I work on my book and not write online for awhile?  

Ugh, that's just some of what's on my mind when I have time to think!  One thing's for sure, I have got to do something because in just three short weeks back to work I've already felt the physical effects of the stress I've been under, and that's no good!

I had hoped that my decision to go to Chile would set me off on another life-changing period of time where I'd get my life towards a better place again.  That was right before summer began.  Now that summer's over and I'm back to life, I just feel a a lot...overwhelmed.  But putting this down in words helps me to think.  I really don't care if anybody reads it as long as it gets me to thinking...

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