I've been having a rough week this week...well, at least these past couple of days. Though I am counting my blessings in knowing that I have people around me who care about me and will rally behind me when I need them, my pride's been hurt and eventually I'm going to have to lick my wounds and move on.
Several problems have plagued me over the past couple of days, the more severe of which is too personal to discuss here, and another that is the purpose of this post. Both problems occurred at my job and the personal one kinda sorta led to the other one. You see my pal Laura Kim is my best friend at work, and she's the one I go to when I have any sort of problem at school.
At dinner the other night to discuss my issue, the second issue came up. We had gotten to talking about the school's GSA, or Gay-Straight Alliance, which we co-lead. I wrote about being the club's adviser back in September and in that post I spoke of the fears I had going into this role and how I had wanted to be out to the club's members, but was unable to do so once I had the chance. To this day, almost five months later, I still have not let these kids know that I am gay.
LK told me she's been dealing with some serious issues from some students in the club lately and that as she lends her ear to help out, she can't help but think that I am more suited to handle them than she. "john, it's been a long time."
I knew what she meant, and I couldn't give her any kind of answer for why I hadn't come out to the group so far. I started making excuses, like the fact that a couple of my own students are in the club and that I was afraid for my 'secret' to get out to the rest of my own group. But in the end, I knew she was right. If I'mm going to be any kind of role model for these kids, who I really feel for and want to help, I've got to let them know somehow....but how?
Hopefully it won't take long to find out. We have a meeting this week, and I am hoping too do so then. LK says I should do it nonchalantly, like mentioning something like "a guy I dated" or even the word "he" when relating a story. Oh boy, I hope I can do it. I'm gonna feel like such a loser if I don't!