Saturday, February 22, 2014

Riding Solo...

I'm feeling like a star, you can't stop my shine, 
I'm loving cloud nine, my head's in the sky,
I'm solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm ridin solo, sooloooo


Well, not exactly, but maybe that last line.  You see, I just spent the last four days completely alone, and that's okay, but sometimes it bothers me that I can be like that.  The kind of "riding solo" that Jason Derulo is talking about is not the type of riding solo that I do.  I've had that for the past six-plus years and in a lot of ways I'm starting to get tired of it.

Dan Millman says that 25/7's (like me) "need a great deal of privacy and sense of independence.  Due to subtle fears of being shamed or betrayed (uh huh!), they tend to draw back 'inside themselves' emotionally; they don't feel safe enough to let people see their private thoughts or feelings...they feel "isolated emotionally ...[they] may seek 'Spirit,' but avoid intimate human relationships."   

Woof!  That was one of the things about his book, The Life You Were Born to Lead, that struck me.  This particular quote is so close to home, today and always, that I am bound to believe that there must be something to what he says.  I've said it before that the book is not a self-help book, by any means, but it does shed some light on your inner nature. They say that the first step to fixing any problem is to admit you have one, and I am not liking this part of me one bit.  I am social and I have a lot of friends, but I don't think I'm ever going to find someone to be with until I stop drawing back inside myself like I do.

As I said this morning, I went away for a few days, by myself, and there were two parts of me that were on that trip: one that was enjoying doing what he wanted to do without having to account for or answer to anyone, and then there was the part that felt super lonely and super alone.  Ugh!

So what to do, what to do???  Well, there really is no easy answer.  It's in my nature to be that way...I've just got to learn to work that in a positive way somehow.  Maybe go back to reading Millman some more.  I think a lack of self-confidence has a lot to do with it.  I know, I know, a lot of people that know me will say that I seem to have a lot of that, but deep down inside...well, I don't.  Maybe there's a place to start!

Anyway, here's Jason Derulo...


Jason Derulo - Ridin Solo Official Video from Tyler Ransom on Vimeo.

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