Spring is definitely in the air today. After a dreary and rainy start to the day, the clouds broke sometime this afternoon and the temperatures went up. It feels good, especially with the longer days, even though you wouldn’t guess it from my entries today…
Rangers 6 Islanders 3 John 0
I feel terrible right now. A short while ago my mom called to say hi and see how I was doing and I kind of blew up at her. Well, not kind of, I did blow up at her. For this one, I have to go back to Christmas time. You see, every year my Christmas gift to my family is that I buy everyone a ticket to a NY Rangers hockey game. My whole family is very big into the Rangers, including me, and they look forward to it every year.
Without saying too much and getting myself into unnecessary trouble, I decided to buy one less ticket this year for someone who’s on the fringes of the family. Though I’ve bought a ticket for this person every year, I decided to forego it this year for financial and other reasons. When my plan was found out, I was talked into changing who was getting the tickets a couple of times until I ended up being the only one without a ticket. At the time I had just been dumped by you know who and I didn’t give a crap, really. The game was last night, March 15th.
The tickets were extra special this year because it was for a Ranger/Islander game at the Garden, which we’ve all always wanted to see. The whole thing hasn’t bothered me all this time, until yesterday. It was on my mind on and off all day yesterday. My sister kept posting notices on FB saying how excited she was about the game. She even thanked me publicly for it, which only made me more perturbed. Secretly, I kept an eye on the game via the Internet, hoping for a Ranger loss (Ranger Gods forgive me!), but they won the game 6-3, a high scoring, probably exciting game.
So mom called tonight to see how I was doing and to say how much they missed me last night. I don’t know what came over me, but that was when I suddenly exploded at her. She had a big part in the changing of the tickets in the first place, and I reminded her of all of it. I wasn’t expecting to blow up, but her call just brought it out of me. In fact, I purposely avoided calling her because of it.
I apologized to her as I yelled every other sentence, and she actually didn’t get angry at me. She said she understood, probably as she should have. It’s my own fault anyway…I relented, which I didn’t have to. Like I said in my interview with Pattie the other night, I’m too kind oftentimes to my own detriment. I just don’t know any other way and I can’t help but hate people sometimes who don’t always take kindly to kindness. WTF????
The Quest returns to my head
The weather was so nice today that I decided to take advantage and be outside. I got a head start and worked in my yard, which has plenty of trees and thus plenty of leaves. Off I was with my rake, some leaf bags, and of course my iPod and Beyonce. It felt good to be out there, though working in the yard brought me back to my decision. Should I even bother with the yard? Historically this has always been one of my favorite times of the year and I love working in the gardens. But should I be spending any money on any part of the house, especially if I’m going to end up short-selling it? The whole thing led to more trepidation and worry.
It’s almost the end of March and little has been happening for me in my quest. I know that I’ve switched priorities and that job search is #1, but of course with my luck schools seem to be laying teachers off instead of hiring them, at least for now it seems. So that’s pretty much a dead end at this point, though I keep looking.
And then there’s the house. A move into the city or not, I’ve got to find a way out of it, but how? My mortgage payment is absolutely killing me, and the fact that I am paying it has actually been a detriment to me because I’m not in trouble on paper…yet! I can see it coming, though. I heard someone say yesterday that there are only 12 weeks of school left and I’m in a shitload of trouble if I don’t do something quick. What to do, what to do????
Most of the time I don’t even notice it, but every once in awhile I check out the “suggested friends” link at the top of my Facebook page. Just a little while ago, I glanced up at that section of the page and I saw his face up there. I’m talking about Fuzzy, the stalker. Incredible! Thank goodness, two clicks of the mouse and he’s a blocked man!
Well, I guess from these snippets of my day that you’d say I had a bad one. I really didn’t. Yeah, I’m still quite messed up over a lot of things, but the weather today helped a lot and I have a conference day tomorrow, so I get to sleep later and come home earlier, so I’m really not in that bad of a way, hehe. But just to make me feel a little better, I’m gonna add a video of Cee Lo’s “Fuck You” here and dedicate it to all those people who’ve pissed me off lately. I mean no harm by it, just a little venting to make myself feel better! Now sing a long…
“See you’re driving round town with the girl I love, and I’m like, F**k you…”