Sunday, January 16, 2011

January 16, 2011 - Facing a new reality

Good morning! Today’s Sunday and it’s been a busy and eventful two days since my last entry. A lot has happened, with him, and otherwise, and I’m going to try and get through it all as best I can and as short as I can.

Once he and I reestablished contact for the first time on Thursday, my overall mood became a little brighter. It did feel really good to speak to him again and to at least clear the air on some things. Of course I hated the fact that it ended, but having them end the way that they did was even worse. So to have learned that he admittedly regretted the process was nice to hear. We spoke a couple of times on Friday and it seemed as if we’d at least gotten back to some sort of regular communication, which is good.

I went into the city on Friday night and he had told me to give him a ring when I was leaving the club. An impromptu face to face followed as I drove downtown to his apartment complex and he hopped into my car. It was a tiny bit awkward when he first got in, but it didn’t take long to get back into the swing of things. We chatted for a long, long time and it was nice. Yes, this relationship is going to be taking on a different face, and it might just be a good thing.

Saturday was a crazy day. I had gotten home so late from hanging out with him in my car Friday night that I didn’t get to sleep too much. I was dragging my butt all day. He was supposed to come over Sunday and I needed the day to get my house in order. I’d been neglecting housework lately and I didn’t want him to come into my mess, especially after all this time.

Saturday evening I had several things on my agenda, all of which turned out to be significant in one way or another. A friend of a friend who’s become a friend of mine over the past couple of years was in town for the weekend and invited me to her house for drinks. I hadn’t seen her since September…she works all the way in Canada and commutes back to Long Island on occasional weekends. She was here this weekend and so I was looking forward to the opportunity to see her.

Graz is from Poland. She is around my age, single, and the mother of an adult son. She’s one of those people that you like from the first time you meet her. Beautiful both inside and out, she’s got a sincere, endearing personality and she’s a lot of fun, to boot. Seeing Graz Saturday night turned out to be an eye opener for me, big time, and the visit was an unexpected jolt into reality.

The first thing Graz said to me when I got to her apartment was a comment that I had lost a lot of weight. It’s something I’ve gotten used to hearing, especially since last summer when I reached new lows in my weight. I thought nothing of the comment until I was getting ready to leave.

As I grabbed my jacket to put it on, she and I exchanged the usual “it was great seeing you, we’ve got to get together again soon” pleasantries when suddenly her expression and her tone turned serious.

“John, you have to promise me something. You need to promise me you’re going to take care of yourself. You don’t look good.”

At first I shrugged it off, but my friend Dit chimed in.

“Yeah, John, you’re not looking good. Your face is too thin and it makes you look old.”

For the next few minutes I listened to the two of them point out all of the signs that I was exhibiting that showed I was not in a healthful condition. I slouched when I sat. I slouched when I stood. My eyes looked sunken in that made me look old and tired. It didn’t help matters any that the few noshes I’d eaten while I was there had been my main sustenance for the day.

I don’t know, but hearing these things out loud from two people who I know care for me was a little bit of a shock to the system. I’ve known for a long time that I haven’t been taking care of myself enough, especially when it comes to nutrition, but hearing it from them brought other, serious thoughts to my mind. I remembered a friend at school the other day telling me that someone had asked her if I was sick. That’s never a good sign! As I left Graz’s house, my mind became flooded with thoughts I hadn’t been considering in my mind before. Do I have some sort of eating disorder? I need to think this through…

That was just the beginning of my Saturday evening. For the sake of time, I’m going to end things here for now. I’ll probably be doing some work on this over at YCN soon, as it helps me to think about things. So stay tuned for that and stay tuned here for more with him…

No comments:

Post a Comment