Well it’s after 11PM and I should be in bed already, but here I am at my pc typing away again. It’s been another long day and I’m tired, but I wanted to speak a little before I went to sleep.
Yesterday I mentioned a decision I had had to make and though the time wasn’t right to talk about it last night, I’ve taken care of it and so I will share it now. This coming Saturday I had tickets to see Robyn at Radio City. I had bought the tickets last November for he and I. Well, since all that happened last week (see the entry from January 31st), I’ve been torn as to what to do. We haven’t had any contact since last Saturday, except for a brief email on Monday, as I’ve been trying really hard to get through this.
I miss him, but this time I’m more guarded and clear headed, and so I’ve been occupying my thoughts with other things. All along I knew I had this problem to deal with and so it’s been occupying my mind more and more. Earlier in the week it seemed so far away, but now that it’s just two days away I knew I needed to come to a decision. Do I call him and just go together or do I go alone? Well I came to my decision earlier tonight and I think it’s best that I don’t go at all.
If I go with him, it would be really difficult for me. Just by seeing him I am reminded of the past and that will do nothing but set me back when I’ve come this far. On the other hand, if I go alone I know that all I’ll do is not enjoy it because it is Robyn, whose songs have a lot of significance between us. So even though I’d be wasting the money, it’s already spent and besides I think I need my sanity more than I need my money!
I think that maybe the writer’s block I’ve had has ebbed a little. Penning that piece last night and the one earlier helped me to get my groove back a little. Still, I’ve got a million and a half things running through my mind these days, and about a million of them have to do with writing. I have so many possible ways I could try and go with it, but unfortunately my time allotted to writing is limited and my head is indecisive at best, so sometimes I just sit here at my pc with nothing. It’s so frustrating, and I’m hoping to help that with a future piece here. Stay tuned…
As is always the case with me, a job came along today at the wrong time. I learned earlier that the district in which I live is looking for an ESL teacher. They want someone who can teach both middle and high school, which is exactly what I already do. I’ve been racking my brain trying to decide whether or not to go for it, but it would seem pretty stupid to take a job where I live and then move. I’m firmly committed to the move, for valid financial reasons as well as personal ones, so I think I’m just going to have to pass.
As always, thanks for reading…